Some years back, I’m not exactly sure when, I lost something near and dear to me. Maybe I left it under a couch cushion or left it setting on my rear bumper after a hard ride only to slide off as I drove away, regardless, it’s gone. While I’ve noticed it missing for a while now, I just recently started wanting it back. It certainly won’t be easy to replace, but I feel like it might just kill me if I don’t start looking. I have to find my intensity.
I used to have a good ability to intentionally take myself to dark places and back out again; to push myself far beyond the comfortable pace and squeeze out a few more hard earned reps. I was the guy motivating the rest of the team to run a bit faster, the guy that would knock out extra push ups each night in basic training to get more burn in the chest. But then I grew up (debatable), found myself in a nice air conditioned office, and settled into the common feeling of comfort.
With no more reason to push past the safe zone, my workouts slacked and have become more about recreation than progress. I’ve gone from a scalpel to a butter knife. It became much easier to let up, back off the gas a bit, and not reach too far. I don’t know if its fear of finding that edge, knowing it will come much sooner than I want to believe, or maybe I’m afraid of the failure that often comes with pushing boundaries. Regardless, I can feel the slippery slope ahead, beckoning me to become just another officepotamus. All I have to do is just sit here.
Well that crap is going to be changing. It’s time I re-explore some pain caves. It’s high time I pull up my big boy pants and jump into a deep, steaming pile of discomfort. I want to re-light that fire in my belly and wake up with the satisfied smile that only a body sore from progress can provide and that mental clarity after an exhaustive effort. Over the next few months I’ll be dialing in my diet, and ramping up my workouts. This is not in preparation for an event, there is no end date on the calendar. I’m not sure where this will take me, but that’s half the fun.
Now, some of you reading this may wonder what’s wrong with me. What benefit could possibly come with seeking failure? Why not just live comfortably? Well, I didn’t write this for you. Close your browser. I don’t know how you found me, but I doubt we have much in common.
To others, this post may have struck a chord. Maybe there is a lion in you that has been eating vegan for too long, against your very nature. Well peel back those malnourished veggy lips and let’s see some teeth. Chase something down and take a big bite of its neck. Preferably one bigger than you think you can chew. Give me a shout out below and we’ll visit the sufferfest together. I know you’re out there.